Savages

Not to be confused with dirty indigenous folk that unsuccessfully attempted to hinder imperialism throughout the latter 19th century, the Savages have struck a chord with the American people. For some uncanny reason, there's nothing an American audience loves more than watching two prepubescent, curly-haired, reform Jews engage in crazy shenanigans (while wearing over-sized shirts). As if The Wonder Years wasn't enough, Boy Meets World further enforced the notion that any problem could be solved by the wise, elderly teacher next door or an achingly loyal best friend that's somehow inferior to you.

Fred Savage is by far the better brother, actor and overall human being - as is often the case with older siblings. This is especially true for actors, whose foray into the world of media often leave their younger, more inadequate siblings desperate for attention (i.e. Alec Baldwin, River Phoenix, John Belushi and surprisingly Ben Affleck despite the fact that both of the Affleck brothers are godawful). NOTE: This is certainly not true for famous sisters, as Zooey Deschanel = AMAZING while Emily Deschanel = sidekick on mediocre crime drama on an equally mediocre network. Back to the Savage at hand; Fred spearheaded onto the silver screen as an impeccably adorable child star in late 80's gems such as The Princess Bride (as some little fucker who can't get to sleep) and Little Monsters (as Howie Mandell's reluctant sex slave or something of the sort). The fact that Fred was able to achieve movie fame is enough to distinguish him from his pasty, bitchier little brother but there's still so much more.

The Wonder Years was an entity in itself and is renowned as the quintessential coming-of-age series. In times as turbulent as the 1980's, there was nothing that comforted audiences more than a quirky lil' sitcom set in the mid-1960's about a boy, his nerdy and undeniably Jewish best friend and the little tart next door who provided years upon years of angst and sexual frustration. It was a recipe for greatness despite the fact that it was was chock-full of morals and featured an unnerving voice-over courtesy of a middle-aged jackass regaling his tales of glory. Kevin Arnold was likable, even lovable and it all made perfectly good sense that the nation was captivated by this series until Fred Savage went through puberty/the plot got stale/Winnie Cooper just would not put out (bitch). The network knew they'd struck gold with the simplistic meanderings of an awkward not-quite-teenage boy, and tried to recreate the formula nearly a decade later. They were so determined to recapture the greatness of The Wonder Years they demanded the younger, lesser Savage (Ben) to star as the titular boy, Cory Matthews. I suppose ABC figured that a younger, albeit, mediocre version of their beloved Fred Savage was better than thrusting an aging child star back into a pair of overalls (and it avoided the risk of their star developing a crippling drug addiction, as many aging child stars tend to do following their traipse in the limelight). Cory Matthews wasn't so lovable. He was downright irritating, had an equally irritating girlfriend and a despicably curly hair. The series ran a bit, relying solely on the strikingly good-looking Rider Strong (who graduated to B-movies about flesh eating viruses) and one of the Lawrence brothers. According to the rule of famous siblings, Matthew Lawrence wasn't nearly enough to sustain the show (maybe if they'd cast Joey things would've ended differently).

According to the long-standing Hollywood tradition of better older brothers, Fred Savage should've either overdosed on heroin or become morbidly obese at this point in time, but he remains a productive member of society - and that's a hell of a lot more than you can say for his little brother. Unlike Ben who subsided into anonymity after managing to briefly achieve fame as a neurotic little shit (with curly hair), Fred savage continues to delight the world with his many, many talents. Perhaps (and by perhaps, I mean definitely) his biggest accomplishment is occasionally directing and producing episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - arguably (and by arguably, I mean definitely) the funniest program gracing the airwaves. It (almost) compensates for the fact that he's had his hand in producing the astoundingly asinine adventures of Hannah Montana, and some other bullshit I'm sure he just did for the money (after all, he does have a younger, less-handsome version of himself suckling at his teat). The fact that such a wholesome icon of America's fond yesteryear could produce such vile and obscene humor is merely one manifestation of Fred Savage's utter greatness; kudos to him. As for Ben, well, it's not so bad - they do have a little sister who's an even worse actress.